Dear father

How are you doing today? After reading your love letter last time I kept wondering if I should write you back or just stick with my thoughts coz you know them anyway, but today I decided to write. Father I don’t despise your love or take it for granted, I know that you love me and really care about me, buts sometimes it’s just hard to see it coz the way  you show it is sometimes not that impressive. Father sometimes life challenges us strongly that it leaves us physically and spiritually challenged. I know in such times we are supposed to stand firm and still and trust you but father how do we just trust you when we think you are not hearing our plea?

 Father I hate to question your integrity and decision making for as you said in your letter that you are God and we are just human, but father look, you are the one who made us like this, you are the one who placed this doubting heart in us and you are the one who gave us this mind, father sometimes it’s really hard to know how to handle all these situations that we are facing without doubt being born in our hearts, and now am really scared that it will even reach to a point of running away from you just because am scared to trust you fully with my life.

Daddy, it’s not like I don’t appreciate your love and the fact that you know me and have better plans for me, but lord wait just a minute, have you ever thought that sometimes we don’t know what you have planned for us and that is why we really want to live for now? Father if you will be in my position then maybe you will get me better. I want to believe in your every word but father sometimes I can’t coz am just human. I have seen your awesome deeds in my life and I appreciate entirely with all my heart and sometimes I wish I could come to the position of not wanting more, but again that’s what makes me human and you God.

Honestly father there are a lot of things that I really don’t understand, first of all I don’t know why I should read the book of revelation,  lord have you read that book? It’s scary and some things I don’t even understand. Father, the picture of weird creatures in heaven is scary and sometimes makes me feel like the earth is better. I have heard some of my friend argue that if heaven is like earth then nobody will desire to be there and sometimes I think there is some truth in what they say. Father I don’t understand where your will stops and my free will starts, I don’t know if what I am doing is what you want of me or I should do something different, all these things eludes me.

Father there are a lot of things that I would like to say but am scared that it might get out of hand and I find myself winning and complaining, but all in all sometimes am not so impressed in your methods of handling my life which technically I know it’s not even mine. Sometime i wish that you could let me handle it in some kind of direction that I want, but am sure you won’t let me coz you don’t want me to make mistakes. Father you have said that I should not be afraid, but how do you expect me not to when a lot of things are happening, when people are fighting all over, when we have a state of insecurity in our nation, when cancer has become common like a fever? How will I not be afraid when I see people with masters and degrees not having jobs, when I see street kids all over without homes? Father I don’t want to be afraid but i just don’t know how.

Father I  am here waiting again for your reply but you know my heart, and you know that I love you too, you know that I want to trust you and live for you, and I just hope you will make that possible for me. My prayer is that you will forgive me for my many foolish mistakes that I keep on making, and that you will search my heart and lead me into your way everlasting. I want to live for you for sure for nothing gives me satisfaction as to live for you. You are my all in all and I want to believe in you even when it’s not making any sense and even when I don’t feel like doing so. I am here lord, use me as you want.

From your beloved son.