Dear father

How are you doing today? After reading your love letter last time I kept wondering if I should write you back or just stick with my thoughts coz you know them anyway, but today I decided to write. Father I don’t despise your love or take it for granted, I know that you love me and really care about me, buts sometimes it’s just hard to see it coz the way  you show it is sometimes not that impressive. Father sometimes life challenges us strongly that it leaves us physically and spiritually challenged. I know in such times we are supposed to stand firm and still and trust you but father how do we just trust you when we think you are not hearing our plea?

 Father I hate to question your integrity and decision making for as you said in your letter that you are God and we are just human, but father look, you are the one who made us like this, you are the one who placed this doubting heart in us and you are the one who gave us this mind, father sometimes it’s really hard to know how to handle all these situations that we are facing without doubt being born in our hearts, and now am really scared that it will even reach to a point of running away from you just because am scared to trust you fully with my life.

Daddy, it’s not like I don’t appreciate your love and the fact that you know me and have better plans for me, but lord wait just a minute, have you ever thought that sometimes we don’t know what you have planned for us and that is why we really want to live for now? Father if you will be in my position then maybe you will get me better. I want to believe in your every word but father sometimes I can’t coz am just human. I have seen your awesome deeds in my life and I appreciate entirely with all my heart and sometimes I wish I could come to the position of not wanting more, but again that’s what makes me human and you God.

Honestly father there are a lot of things that I really don’t understand, first of all I don’t know why I should read the book of revelation,  lord have you read that book? It’s scary and some things I don’t even understand. Father, the picture of weird creatures in heaven is scary and sometimes makes me feel like the earth is better. I have heard some of my friend argue that if heaven is like earth then nobody will desire to be there and sometimes I think there is some truth in what they say. Father I don’t understand where your will stops and my free will starts, I don’t know if what I am doing is what you want of me or I should do something different, all these things eludes me.

Father there are a lot of things that I would like to say but am scared that it might get out of hand and I find myself winning and complaining, but all in all sometimes am not so impressed in your methods of handling my life which technically I know it’s not even mine. Sometime i wish that you could let me handle it in some kind of direction that I want, but am sure you won’t let me coz you don’t want me to make mistakes. Father you have said that I should not be afraid, but how do you expect me not to when a lot of things are happening, when people are fighting all over, when we have a state of insecurity in our nation, when cancer has become common like a fever? How will I not be afraid when I see people with masters and degrees not having jobs, when I see street kids all over without homes? Father I don’t want to be afraid but i just don’t know how.

Father I  am here waiting again for your reply but you know my heart, and you know that I love you too, you know that I want to trust you and live for you, and I just hope you will make that possible for me. My prayer is that you will forgive me for my many foolish mistakes that I keep on making, and that you will search my heart and lead me into your way everlasting. I want to live for you for sure for nothing gives me satisfaction as to live for you. You are my all in all and I want to believe in you even when it’s not making any sense and even when I don’t feel like doing so. I am here lord, use me as you want.

From your beloved son.

Dear child,

How have you been? I know I should be expecting a lot of things when I ask that question coz I know, not everything is fine. I am doing okay myself but still not that happy with everything that I am hearing and seeing happening around. I have been lately accused of being uncaring and this sometimes breaks my heart because that is not true at all. Am the most loving father and I proved that by sending my only son Jesus to die on the cross and pay for all your debts. Tell me child which father can ever do that? Which father steps down from his throne to romance the whole world that has been torn all apart, how many fathers gave up their sons for you?

I know how hard it can be sometimes when all the issues of this world bombard you. It no like I don’t know what happens around and it’s not like I can’t stop it. Some of these things I allow are for your own good and benefit, but am sure you find that hard to believe but that’s what makes you human and me God. My child being me is not easy as you might think, have you ever imagined your self being in the position of controlling the happening events of this world? Making sure that the sun rises and sets without delaying, or making sure that the rain falls on some places without affecting the others. Imagine watching your back every time your land yourself in trouble and having to forgive you all the time for your annoying mistakes.

There are many things that I do every day just for you, but you don’t even realize that. When I say that I love you I just don’t use empty words but I prove that love to you every day. Imagine I have to make sure that you have enough oxygen every day. Have you ever heard any of your brothers complaining that you are using more air than them? No! That is because I have provided enough. Imagine waking up tomorrow and the sun is not there, everything is dark for the whole week, will you not complain? But how often do you thank me for the light?

When I say that i have good plans for you, I mean that but you want all yours desires and have forgotten that I know what’s best for you. I created you in my own image meaning I know everything about you. I have given you a chance to know my will over your life but you have thrown that chance back to my face. I have told you that if you confess then I am just and faithful to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness, but you don’t even know that coz you don’t even read my word.

Yesterday I heard John Kibera addressing a crowd in Nairobi city and I did not like it at all. The guy was telling silly jokes about my word and claiming that there is no heaven. My child, you human beings can be really ungrateful. Let me tell you something about John Kibera, the guy was a robber of the dead. He used to steal coffins and the suits used for burying the dead, what a weirdo. I was so fed up with john but I still gave him a second chance. First I took his 4 friends in Maragua when they went to steal the mayors’ coffin, and the crowd lynched them to death, then came his salvation in 2002, when the john and four others were ambushed by the police along the Langata road, Lucky for him that he was at the back of the newspapers’ van, together with the coffin worth 800000. The three were shot dead but john hid inside the coffin, he prayed and I saved the guy. 12 years later he has the guts to stand in the streets and pronounce the non-existence of my dwelling place? Is he crazy? Can’t he remember where I took him from?

Child there are a lot of things which will deceive you and convince you that I don’t care or I don’t exist, but that’s a wrong way to go. I am the reason why you can even read this letter; I have given you Life in abundance, all I ask for is your faithfulness and trust. I just want you to acknowledge me in all you do and I promise to straighten all your paths. Do not be afraid for I am with you and I will never leave you. I am always ready to forgive you when you come back to me. Am the only true vine my child and if you abide in me and my word abide in you then ask for anything in my name and I will answer you. I love you so much child.

Your loving father God…

Just love me or leave me.

Some few days ago a thought came knocking at the door of my head.  It was those thoughts that come seeking for attention, shouting so hard, “you have to focus on me!” and so I did not coz I wanted to but just because I didn’t want to break my thoughts’ heart. I was torn between care and truth. Have you ever found yourself in those places where you want to care about some body’s feelings but at the same time you want to tell them the truth?  Maybe those who are in a relationship be it married or on that road, you might relate to what I am talking about.  For the men, have you ever been faced with questions like, “honey do you think am fat?” what do you say if they are really fat? Or questions like “sweety did you like the soup?” Do you go like, “mmmmm honey honestly speaking I think you should start doing some jogging and start using that recipe that my mother brought you!!!” if you want an instant divorce then say that.

Being truth full in a relationship without breaking people is not an easy thing. Have you ever dated those people who don’t arrange or clean ‘the remote’ kind of dudes, or the freaking clean ladies who clean everything all the time? How do you handle those weird behaviors your partners portray in a relationship? People have argued that it’s better to date someone for like 2 or 3 years before marriage? Not that I don’t agree with this duration of time, but my question is why 2 years and not one month or why 2 years and not 10? My point is, if we are giving ourselves time to learn someone’s behaviors then we need forever to do so. We are just scared to be committed and to bring ourselves to the point of accepting one another they ways they are.

Somebody said that the best lover is the one that you can be stupid around and they don’t go like; “can you stop acting like a child!” someone who will tell you am in love with you stupid guy. Someone who says you look like a gang star but is not ashamed to be associated with you. Now for me that is the best lover. Relationships only become hard when three thing lack; trust, communication and sacrifices.

For us to relate well we must learn to trust the ways kids do. We must come to that point where we can be tossed in the air but still confident that we are going to land on safe hands. Trust starts by us trusting God, and then we can be able to trust one another. Communication springs out the sweet waters of honesty. We can only learn to be honest if we learn to communicate, and that means one person speaking, another one listening and vice versa, but if the two, that is listening or talking happen simultaneously from both communicating parties, then there is no communication.

Sacrifices are not easy to offer and they always come with prices to pay. Some people value quality time, some value shopping for gifts or breakfast served in bed, some love to be told how lovely they look and some just want to be held for some time. All these things entail sacrifices, and this happens from both parties. Both must be ready to sacrifice their time, money, comfort zones and their preferences for the sake of the other person, otherwise nothing will ever work.

I believe these three things create a safe environment for relationships but not the foundation. Foundation of a relation is built on values from God. Any relationship copied from the way Christ relates to the church is a good relationship that is, loving the way Christ loved the church and submitting in a godly way the way the church should submit to Jesus.  Most of our relations lack growth coz we have planted on the wrong grounds. God being the first and the last  means we have to involve him in all we do. Building our relationship on Godly foundations is the secret to a happy life…

Wake up lets journey on.

What’s next?

Being an African for a very long time, that is my whole life has made me understand many things and put them in different perspectives, for instance the social life and moral ethics. These are things that just come naturally. You don’t have to be in a class to be thought how to respect the elderly, maybe because of the nice schools we went through in our mothers hands being given a nice ‘kiboko’ whenever we ‘sinned’ to them. I remember growing up as a free lancer, never caring what tomorrow will bring coz you know dad went to work in the morning and so he will bring something home for the mother to cook, the dad was the working type, the mum the cooking wife.

Our rich luo traditions sometimes were really confusing , I never understood why we had to shave our hair when our grandmother passed away, but of cause you don’t ask the ‘whys’ or why they had to drink the ‘manyasi’ to be freed from some curses. Manyasi was some kind of drink that had some power or kind of miraculous ability to cleanse you from the curses that came when you don’t follow the taboos. I have always  wondered  how it tasted, maybe like coke, Russian water or some kind of ‘akech’ a very bitter herb for treating stomach upsets. Life as a naive ‘omera’ was then interesting.

When my mum was asked to join the heavenly nation in 08, things became a bit open for me, it was like an eye opener, things starting falling into place, and everything was now making sense, all the traditions and manyasi and all these shaving of the hair and many others were just a way of governing the society to maintain the social moral standards. Mum being away, I had to take things into consideration and do them; I had to practice the morality that she taught me in the Kiboko primary school of life and now I that became the child of the community, anybody older than me became my parent.

Then our generation became conspicuous, the newness of life started to show, the new born coming out with technology in their brains. I think most of my age group guys were born with no brain that had to develop out here in the world, but nowadays kids come with a full developed brain full of knowledge and technological knowhow. Rebellion towards our cultures, morality and ethics of the society has been a vivid thing, and life has become entirely individualistic. 

Social vices are becoming more as parents becoming busier locked in the offices leaving the kids to be raised by other kids in the name of nannies. Watching the old century movies made me understand that a nanny was the mother of your mother or daddy, but I think that truth is confidently being replaced with nannies being the sweet young ladies who nature the husband’s fantasies rather than raising the kids to grow based on good ethics and morality. 

I don’t know what’s coming next but I see kids of the next generation moving from their parent’s homes as early as they stop breast feeding.  Children are growing so fast and knowledge is spreading so fast that they won’t need the parental guidance. I can see the movies starting with words like, “parental guide is not necessary for the following program since children know everything”, God forbid. I don’t know how to restore us back coz am also a victim of all this, maybe all we can do is wait for that time but I believe that Jesus is coming back soon so maybe we won’t get the chance to see the kids coming out of the wombs playing the computer games, I don’t want to experience that…

Wake up lets journey on.